With You, Friends

     Boy, has it been a while since I wrote last... or at least that's how it feels. Perhaps there was just a lot going on since the 9th. So, I suppose we shouldn't waste any time. Let's begin straight away. After all, you didn't come here to read about me talking about talking about things, now did you? I consider most everyone as a friend, and I try not to leave friends disappointed. But I suppose I should digress...

     I went home for my birthday. I figured my family would be happy to see me and celebrate my birthday with them, and I also had to get new tires. The weekend was pretty fantastic. Bob also came home for the weekend and Tassi, Bob, and myself went to see Phantom Menace in 3D. It was okay, but Tassi and I both fell asleep in between the second and third acts. I also finally got to catch up on Season 2 of Portlandia. We went to Bob Chinn's Crab House and my mom got me a cake, even though I was there for such short a time. As I figured I would, I got the current iPod Nano to replace the iTouch that got fucked up by being dropped into the toilet. I also got two big boxes of Strawberry Hello Panda and mini snickerdoodle muffins. For those that don't know, Hello Panda are pretty much the current day version of Koala Yummies. For those still confused, I'd just like to say: You've missed out if you've never gotten the chance to have these. They're are tiny hollow cookies with a tiny cute panda drawn on the rounder side and each cookie is filled with filling which is usually chocolate or strawberry, and I am a huge sucker for strawberry stuff.

     My sister gave me a bit money to go towards the tortoise fund, which I was very happy to get because it was looking to be a few hundred more dollars than I had anticipated... But now, I am not so sure about this plan. I was so preoccupied and during the weekend that I didn't really think about the tortoise at all, and I was gradually forgetting about it and losing interest. (Lizz, if you're reading, I haven't spent the money. I'll talk to you about it at some other point). In any event, I started wondering how I had gotten so close to actually buying the tortoise. The idea of it now doesn't seem too wise, as it's very costly, we're not allowed pets in our place, and if I had gone through this loss of interest after I had bought it and everything, I would be deeply regretting it (not to mention I'd be stuck with it for the next like... 50 years?). But why did this whole thing come into my head to begin with? If you read my last blog, which I wrote the night before my birthday, I was in a real negative mood by the end of it. I was feeling angry, sad, and moreover, lonely. In that mood, I think buying a pet tortoise seemed like a quick-fix solution to my loneliness. It was silly and impulsive of me and it could have fucked me over and I'd be stuck.

     So now what do I do when I go into this state again? Well, that's kind of what I figured out this week. If I remember correctly, this past Tuesday was Valentine's Day. Thankfully, my Tuesday actually wasn't that bad, as I successfully masked my loneliness with light humor and being friendly. Wednesday is when things finally got to me. Wednesday is my day off in between heavy class days, so I feel the need to be moving and busy, but with nothing to do or talk to, so I begin focusing in on tiny things that shouldn't matter, I overreact to them because what the fuck else am I going to do? So Wednesday night ended with me going to bed at like 9PM, in an attempt to just sleep the shittiness away. Thursday morning, nothing had changed. In fact, things were getting worse. The weather in Carbondale was rainy and very cold and I was stuck sitting in my car for an hour and a half waiting for ANY spot to open up. Meanwhile, I was live-tweeting my negativity for all others to feel. While I sat in my car, I wondered how one goes about meeting new and similar people. Maybe meeting new people wasn't the issue though, maybe it's how I treat the friends I have now. Sure I try to be nice and polite to everyone as I can be, but I still push people away when it comes to them wanting to be friends with me. I get friend requests all the time from people. I've made tons of friends on twitter that I connect with so very much. All of these people are part of the gaming culture which I have been feeling distant from lately, and a lot of people have tried to be friends with me so that we can play games together, but I just don't want to.

     On Xbox Live, I tell people that if I know them, I'll accept their friend requests, but that still leaves me getting requests on Xbox Live to play games with them. The thing is that I just feel so uncomfortable talking through mics and headsets, or even over the phone. IMing/Facebook chat is the same way. I don't know why, I feel comfortable with texting or twitter, and yet, I can talk to people face-to-face pretty well, I think by now. Face-to-face is more of a transitional thing that I'm working through. In any event, it gets to the point that if I'm playing a game that has multiplayer on it and one of these people signs on, I will go out of my way to appear offline so as not to deal with it. I then have to hold my breath waiting to see if they saw me online in time to send me a request or not... The point is, is that despite me considering these people my friends, I try to be as inconspicuous to these folks as I can be, I imagine, to the point where they consider me as a minor acquaintance, and it's this that puts me into these negative spirals. So it looks like I have to change something, and it looks like it's going to have to be me that changes.

     So now, I am try to make more of an effort to be actual friends with people, be nice to everyone, muscle through the uncomfortable, because more than likely, I'll be happier afterwards. The past few days I've been  occasionally posting tweets and statuses asking how people's days and weekends have been going. I've been getting at least one or two responses each time, but that's all it needs to be at this point. Starting a friendly conversation with someone, and being able to continue that conversation. If, for most of the time, my friends are stuck inside of a computer or Xbox, I suppose I can at least put that effort forward, since I don't get to see them in person that often. Once I put this together, I'll be damned if things didn't start going better immediately.

     Later on Thursday night, I tried to do the same thing with my roommates and Tom (Congrats Tom, on finally getting mentioned, I know it was bugging you.). We sat around in our living room watching various things. Zach had a bottle of wine left from Valentine's, so he poured himself a glass. I was convinced, mostly by Tom, to have a glass of my own. I had it, and it was pretty awful, but I finished it, and then had three more. I was relatively tipsy, since I don't drink ever. So, I went to bed pretty happy with how the day turned out, and on Friday, Dan was coming down.

     Friday started out nicely. I got up at about 8:30 and went to work out. I had to start out with the stationary bike though because I found that my shorts were a bit too big to run in without eventually falling off. I tried re-tying them, but as it turned out, they were already tied as tight as I could get them, to the point of the shorts actually scrunching up on the waste lace. When they were untied, I was pretty baffled by just how big they are to me now. It was like a before and after picture where the person is wearing an old pair of giant pants. So that made me pretty happy.

     I also talked to a bunch of my twitter friends throughout the day as well. I asked about an upcoming Grifgoose tournament on Halo Reach that is coming up and now I am in a team with IGLGrifball and PMS_NightOwl. I think we still need a fourth, but I do not really know right now. I also did my first Follow Friday thing on Twitter. I put up those that I talk to most often and those that I had talked to recently. I would've put up way more than I had, but then I thought I might be clogging people's twitter feeds, so next week, I'll be doing it again. In either case, I was feeling the love from a bunch of people who were feeling it from me. A couple people even decided to do a #FF of their own, both including me on the list. It's a small gesture, but I was feeling pretty awesome after that. And so unlike Thursday morning, things were now only getting better, because Dan was on his way down to visit me for the weekend.

     Dan came in Friday evening. We spent the next couple of hours catching up on things (mostly a more-detailed version what I just explained above.). We came downstairs and started hanging out with everyone else, who had begun drinking. Later on, I was convinced to actually go back to the bar, which doesn't sound like much, but on multiple occasions, when people heard that I was going to bar, they got really excited. Even afterwards, our neighbors heard I went to the bar and they freaked out, saying that they couldn't believe they missed it. I didn't know I held such influence. The bar we went to is called Copper Dragon, and as you may imagine, there is a big dragon, made of copper, that is hanging up over the dance area in front of the stage where a band called 'Mike and Jim' played a bunch of popular songs that I could only get mildly interested in; stuff that is difficult to dance to. Tom was already very drunk by the time we got to the bar, so I ended up drinking half of his Blue Dragon, which is like a Long Island Iced Tea, except that it's blue and sweet, that Zach bought him.

     I'd like to take this time and really congratulate Tom Nitti for not only getting his first mention in my blog (which he has been yearning for ever since I began my blog), but this is now the third time he's been mentioned. So congrats, Tom. Twice in one week, I have drank, which I don't do, all thanks to you.

     So anyway, the rest of the weekend was absolutely splendid. We bought the Monopoly: Electronic Banking, which uses credit cards and a card reader instead of actual bills, and it was awesome and super fun. I can't wait to do a game night again. Dan ended up winning, because for some reason, he has some natural ability to win at board games... Dan was also able to get my Windows 7 running on bootcamp. It was ultimately to get Star Wars: The Old Republic working, but there was one problem after another with it. We did put Steam on it though, and now I have Skyrim on there. I'm going to be switching over to playing it on PC because of the modding aspect of it. So far I'm still trying to figure out if they're working or not, since I haven't gotten to actually play yet... In any event, the weekend is sadly over, but it was one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. Dan, we need to figure out when to do this again.

     Well, that's all folks! Cherish your friends and they'll reciprocate. I leave you with "With you, Friends (Long Drive)," by Skrillex. It's not so much dubstep as his other stuff, but it's still one of my favorite Skrillex songs. Enjoy!

Until next time...

Up & Down I Go

     Hey all! It sure has been a while since I wrote last. But it's been the holiday season and I needed to build up some material. I hung out with Mike and Matt a couple times and we were talking about the blog and I ended up deciding that perhaps doing a blog every single day isn't so necessary. At that rate I am pretty much just talking to talk. So I am going to be spacing these out to at most a weekly basis. I'll talk when I feel the need to talk. Plus it's good for those days where I do absolutely nothing and I end up writing a small handful of dinky paragraphs about nothing, which can be quite dull. Perhaps, if I do end up writing posts like those, I'll just keep them as drafts and only publish the good ones. I'll let it happen as it will.

     So let's catch up a wee bit, shall we? I figure we should start with Christmas. Well, on the 23rd, my dad and I dressed up as Santa and his elf, respectively, and delivered a bunch of presents to a family who is currently going through some very hard times, and with two little kids having to endure it all, it felt good to do it. The next day, some relatives came over, as we normally do on Xmas Eve. Everything went well, and the Nerf war we had went spectacularly. There were Nerf darts everywhere around our house... Christmas day went well too, no issues to really speak of, though I did make a mental note that this year, there was slightly more bickering amongst us, to which I say, "Oh well."

     In terms of gifts? I got a bunch of new clothing, which fits me relatively better than what I've been wearing as I lose weight. In particular, I got this nice black zip-up hoodie from GAP, which if you've ever seen me in the confines of my home, you'll know that I am almost always wearing one of these, generally sans shirt (That's right, ladies). I got a bunch of Halo-stuff, including: a bunch of megabloks sets, calendar, MC Play Arts figure, Lmt Ed. version of 'Halo: The Art of Building Worlds,' as well as the Child's Play Auction items: Halo 4 concept art (which I've mentioned in the past), the Dr. Halsey Journal from Halo Reach signed by Eric Nylund, A signed copy of Halo: Evolutions Vol. I, and finally the one and only physical copy (that I know of) of Levi Hoffmeier's, "Halo: A Fistful of Arrows." This last book was a big thing for me because I REALLY loved the story, not to mention the incredible art that he does. Levi also did a personalized sketch in the front cover, which is fucking amazing. Nicely done, sir. The sketch can be seen below. The FoA book also came with a Mr. Chief sketch, done by Frank O'Connor from 343 Industries and some prints from FoA (Levi, if you're reading this, it's like you knew that the Jun-using-Armor-Lock picture was one of my favorites. So cool.).

     I also got tickets to go see Andrew Bird witha friend on March 22nd. Mike and Matt, this concert is in St. Louis, which means you both are coming with me. I only have two tickets though, so one of you will have to buy one. This is for you to decide. ...That is of course, assuming that the seats aren't assigned. I'll have to go and look to make sure >_>. Anyway, Mario Kart 7 has been keeping me busy, I have a new brown leather messenger bag, which I've been using at any opportunity. And I finally got something I've been wanting for a long time, but never really remembered to ask until this year- a golden pocket watch. I've always liked the idea of a pocket watch and I haven't had one since my old Full-Metal Alchemist one broke back in the beginning of High School. What makes it even better is that there is a '117' engraved on the inside cover, which is very awesome to me. And finally, after telling my mom that her old, and quite shitty, computer was finally being replaced by my iMac, I was surprised with a entirely NEW iMac. The plan was that mine would go to my mom and I would get my dad's, which he doesn't use very much at the office and is a couple years newer. Evidently something happened that would've made it more expensive to move his from the office and he decided to just get me a new one. Past the unique Halo stuff and the watch, this was the highlight gift of 2011. Overall, a VERY good year, both in Xmas, and just overall.

     Now, on to more current affairs. Since Xmas has passed, things have been... slow, to say the least. All week long I have literally been doing next to nothing. I built all of the Halo Megabloks sets, watched the Blu Ray Lord of the Rings Extended versions, listened to a dramatized version of The Hobbit, played a bit of Skyrim on my mage, and spent more than a fair amount of time in my hot tub. This week has been a lazy bum's paradise. Only today did I finally get my mom's new computer into the Apple store for a data transfer. And tonight my family and I went to the Chicago Blackhawks game against the Detroit Redwings. We won. Huzzahs were had by many. But this week I've been really noticing a subtle change in my behavior...

     I feel lost right now. Throughout the week, I've been progressively getting more easily agitated by my family, and I guess just by everything. My intolerance for illogical actions has been at a recent high, which has been working against my current meditations to let things go and allow things to work as they will. The constant cheerfulness that I've been having for the past 2-3 months has been diluted... I think some of it has to do with how, since I've been home, I've been regaining some weight- not much, mind you, but some poundage to be sure. There's just been so much bread around. I think I need to re-cut it out of my diet. Perhaps I just need to get out and do something. I could've written this at literally any point this week, and yet I didn't feel like it. I even tried to organize my Halo stuff finally and quit after like half an hour. I don't know... I have become a mope that just meanders about my house, not doing anything; waiting for death to overtake me. That's an exaggeration, of course, but if I let things continue as they are, I fear a looming depression. But the timing of things this weekend doesn't help all that much, seeing as it's New Years.

     I'm not a big fan of New Years. For me, it's just when people go out and drink obscene amounts of alcohol and then conceive the unfortunate offspring that will be born in August and September. The kids part is just a side note that I felt like pointing out, but it's really the drinking aspect that makes me not like this holiday. I don't drink at all, especially after the surgery last June. I will say though, I did take two shots last month of SoCo and lime juice, and those weren't bad, but it's nothing that's changing my mind of the matter. And since I would roughly be the only sober adult at such a party/gathering, I would feel the need to take care of drunk people and keep things in order. And even past all that, I don't really care that it's the new year. Ultimately, it's just another day, but even still, this year has been the best in recent memory by a long shot, and I don't really care to see it go. But like I said, it's just another day and that's how I should think of it. I've been invited to three separate occasions for New Years, all of which I have said 'no' to. Colin, Kozi, and a bunch of others are heading down to Chicago to go drink. This was pretty much an instant no for me. Dan and Rojek are heading out to Indiana University to stay and Rojek's house and party there. Again, I said no. Mike and Matt are both in New York, albeit separated from each other. Finally, my cousin's girlfriend, Jill, is having a shin-dig (who uses shin-dig anymore, especially in writing? haha) which is where my brother and sister and a bunch of my cousins are going to. It's the same situation, although I may actually go to that one for a wee bit. So, my plans for New Years? I'm going to see MI:4 with my dad, and I presume my mom also and then I'm coming home and doing nothing, except hang out in the hot tub and enjoy that.

     I never understood the whole Resolution thing with New Years either. All it is, is a false promise that you make to yourself, seemingly in hopes that it'll just sort of bring itself about. I imagine that it's rather rare for someone to actually follow through with it, unless the person is very take-charge. I was asked what mine was tonight at dinner. I replied with, "I don't do resolutions," and that was the end of that. I guess if I was forced to make one? Hmm.... Lose weight? I'm already doing that. Perhaps get down to a target weight by a certain time. Eh, but that seems so generic and typical, especially in the United States. Something with Halo? I have already gained the title which I have craved so. Perhaps giving back to the Halo community in some way. Some ideas come to mind, but I'll need time and people to help with that... I guess on a solely personal level, I would have to say start reading certain Philosophy books that have been recommended to me, and to continue practice my dancing. Oh! That reminds me!!

     On three separate occasions since I've come home, I have been hugely complemented on my dancing skills. So much so even, that on ALL THREE times, the people watching me dance said that it should be recorded and put on the internet for all to see and to become an internet star. The idea seems quite enticing to me to say the least, so that may pop up somewhere in the future hahaha. Either way, when I am at school, my dancing is usually made fun of, so to get compliments so many times after coming home means a fucking lot to me. Thanks all.

     So, I leave you with, "Up & Down I Go," by Pretty Lights, who has been just recently put on my radar by multiple people. Twice this song has come up in shuffle and both times I have tried to put it into my 'Current' playlist. That must mean I like it. I'm going to dance the fuck out of this song tonight.

     Despite not liking New Years myself, I still wish everyone else's to be joyous. Just don't be surprised when you find you're/she is pregnant. hahaha

Until next time...